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grief work and traumatic loss treatment
What is grief work?
Grief is an emotional state characterized by missing, yearning, sadness, emotional pain, anger, anxiety, and other emotions. Grieving is the ongoing process of coping with loss.
Have your processed your grief? What does that even mean?
Friends, family, and other therapists may have asked you if you feel like you've grieved your person and you may have wondered what does that even mean? How would I know if I had? Am I ever finished? Not being sure is normal. We all know that grief is part of life but that doesn't mean that grieving is an intuitive process for many of us.
There are no prescribed phases or stages and there is no finish line. Grief work looks different for each person because grief is unique to each person, but one thing that is universal is you have to make space for grief in order to grieve. Grief is inherently painful and it makes sense to want to avoid pain, but when we try to avoid or get rid of our grief, we suffer. Making space for grief, whatever that looks like for you, is referred to as grief work. It is helpful to see a therapist for grief work because grieving is hard and often nebulous, not because grief is a disorder. In cases of traumatic loss, therapy is helpful to both process the trauma of your loss and acquire strategies to help you feel able to make space for your grief.
What is traumatic loss?
Traumatic loss refers to the loss of a person due to a death that was sudden, unexpected, out-of-order, violent in nature, and/or accompanied by physical or mental suffering. After traumatic loss, grief work also becomes trauma work. Due to the grief and trauma of traumatic loss, it is normal for grief to be more intense and persistent.
Suicide loss and suicide loss survivorship
Suicide loss is a type of traumatic loss that I have particular expertise in. Suicide loss survivors are more likely to meet criteria for Prolonged Grief Disorder and/or PTSD than survivors of other traumatic losses. I think this says a lot more about the nature of suicide loss than it does about the person receiving the diagnosis. Therapy for suicide loss focuses on alleviating trauma symptoms without pathologizing normal human grieving.
The term suicide loss survivor is used to described anyone who has lost a person close to them by suicide. Suicide loss is different than other types of losses, even other traumatic losses. This language may or may not resonate with you and that's okay either way. Whatever language fits for you, there are often long-term impacts for people who lose a loved one to suicide. Therapy after suicide loss is helpful in the acute grief period, years, and even decades after the fact. General grief therapy approaches often fail to address the grief and trauma of suicide loss and my clients who have experienced a suicide loss appreciate a more nuanced understanding from someone who gets it.
WHAT IS DISENFRANCHISED GRIEF?
Disenfranchised grief is when your grieving doesn't fit with your larger society's attitude about dealing with death and loss. Disenfranchised grief is common after losing a loved one to suicide, losing a close friend, losing a sibling, having infertility or after miscarriage, estrangement from living loved ones, and pet loss. Unfortunately, most grief becomes disenfranchised over time due to the time-limited window we often give ourselves and others to do grief work. Losses that are not socially validated are often accompanied by additional emotional pain. Grief work can happen weeks, months, years, and decades after loss. It is normal for grief to shift and change forever. Grief work in therapy helps to make space for grief authentically and honestly without imposing expectations on your valid human experience.
WHAT TYPE OF THERAPY DO YOU USE FOR GRIEF?
That depends on you as an individual but typically some combination of:​
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Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
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Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing (EMDR)
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Self-regulatory or somatic strategies
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